I've not been feeling incredibly cheery for a few days and it's completely ladydays-related, but it's also really horrible and making me cry a fair bit. And my emotions are getting more and more tangled up and S is being so kind but trying to be sensible and growed-up and I can't do it. I am better off not spending time with him. I spent last night at his and it was so nice falling asleep and being able to feel him next to me, and now I want him to be here, but he's not, and I forgot my toothbrush when I came home, and I hate being in limbo, and none of my thoughts are very coherent or rational, and I just want to curl up in a ball and shut everything and everyone out, and I don't think I will cope when S and I finally stop this whole charade.
Carrie was very good yesterday and said I shouldn't try and think about things. I should be grateful for the following facts:
1) S is a good person
2) S cares for me and likes spending time with me
3) S sends me lovely text messages and hasn't got a new girlfriend
But I am not grateful because of the following fact:
1) S is not my boyfriend anymore
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